The Unveiling

Today was the first time that Dawn Ann got a good look at the mastectomy incision.

I tried to prepare her for it earlier in the day. We decided to keep in mind that this is not the final product. That this site is “Under Construction”.

Her own fears and feelings started to come through. She tried to tell me that this wasn’t fair to me. That I hadn’t bargained for this when we got married. She tried to tell me that I married a “woman”, and now she is losing her womanhood, piece by piece.

I countered that I didn’t marry a pair of breasts. I married a person. A person that I love dearly, with all my heart and soul. I placed my hand over her heart, and held her close.

When I married her, I loved her for the woman that she is. I still do. No surgery can change who she is, deep down inside. She is still my soul-mate, and the love of my life. This surgery helps preserve her life. I keep telling her that “We get to keep her!”, and that we look forward to having her with us for a very long time.

The time of the unveiling came later in the day, after the kids had gone to mutual. Even with our conversation earlier in the day, no amount of mental preparation can fully compensate for the shock when you see a large incision, instead of a breast. – Especially when it’s your own. It’s not pretty. It’s stark, and real and cold. Although the cancer is now gone, it has left destruction in its wake.

The plastic surgeon had cleared Dawn Ann to have a regular shower – provided that the stream of the shower doesn’t directly hit the incision or the drain tube sites. In order to take the shower, the bandages had to come off. I took the bandages off the incision myself. As Dawn Ann saw the incision for the first time in the bathroom mirror, there was a pale, scared look on her face. I could tell that she was grimacing, and trying to tough it out. I put my arm around her shoulder, and held her close. I asked her how she was doing. She managed to say something like, “It is, what it is”.

I know it was a real shock to her. We got her all showered, then put on a new dressing over the incision. The plastic surgeon gave us some cloth tape, that will be a little kinder on her skin. We put gauze over the incision, and over the drain tube exit points and taped everything in place. Then we got her dressed.

After a while, she got over the shock of seeing things as they really are for the first time. I gave her a big hug. I let her know that I love her, support her, and that I’ll be there for her no matter what. I must keep showing her this not by my words only, but in my actions as well.

I don’t know what else to do.